


tattoo it to my heart

by infinityfour



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Famous Liam, Famous Louis, Famous Niall, Louis vlogs, M/M, Mpreg Harry, Non-Famous Harry, Non-Famous Zayn, a lot of marvel/mcu references, kind of, like a lot, you’ll see what I mean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2019-06-17 07:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15456081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinityfour/pseuds/infinityfour
Summary: the one where Louis comes back home to promote his debut album, but gets his whole world flipped upside down at a Tesco parking lot by the emerald eyed boy with a faded star tattoo and their little girl who loves Spider-Man “to the moon and back like a hundred times”





	tattoo it to my heart

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY I UPLOADED THE NEW CHAPTER 1 AHHH !!! as y’all can see this took me ages and I worked really hard on it so I hope it was worth the wait !! <3

_"Is it going to hurt?"_

_"It shouldn't, but I'll hold your hand in case it does."_

_"Okay. You won't let go, right?"_

_"Never."_

That was the impromptu and more likely than not hazardous primary school stick-and-poke tattoo session that led to their hands interlacing for the first time. The first time they felt little stars in their palms that made everything around them freeze in time, almost identical to the crooked, patchy star tattoo Louis carefully etched onto the inside of Harry's arm. It was a sensation both of  them kept wishing for every year, right before they blew out their birthday candles and the top of their Christmas lists every year until the duo took a leap of faith and decided that nothing, not even growing out of making letters to Father Christmas could tear them apart. 

And as Louis' lovestruck baby blues flutter open to the light snore of Harry sleeping next to him in their bed located in their flat they've called home since the snowy morning of Louis' 18th birthday, he knows that every scary bridge they've crossed was worth it to get to this point. 

Now, on any normal day Louis would be the one star-fished across the bed while Harry tried to untangle himself in the most delicate way humanly known to not wake his resting boyfriend out of his dreams. But the idea of today being a normal day was thrown right out the window because today's Harry's birthday and it can't be anything less than perfect for an impossibly perfect boy. So he finally manages to slide his arm out from under Harry and sneak his way into the kitchen, gently padding across the cold tile in search of the cookbook he borrowed from the old lady in the flat across from theirs. Cooking has always been Harry's thing, that's why Louis nearly cried tears of joy when he found a recipe for pancakes so detailed that all he really has to do is read in order to not burn the whole building down. 

He was in the middle of cracking an egg into the small teal bowl Harry took from his mum's house when two troublingly strong arms wrapped around his chest, causing the egg to flop onto the edge of the bowl and slide down slowly to meet the rest of the ingredients. 

"G'morning, Lou." Harry slurred out in his groggy morning voice, resting his cheek against the back of Louis' head. 

"Don't 'g'morning, Lou' me. You ruined my surprise. I was supposed to wake you up to the smell of perfectly cooked heart-shaped pancakes in bed." Harry now slid his arms down to Louis' waist while Louis kept adding ingredients and stirring, making sure to not move his arm in any way that might hurt Harry. 

"The fact that you're up before 8 AM on a Saturday is more than enough for me, love." 

"You're a menace." Harry hums back to agree, squeezing Louis tighter and leaning down to place a kiss on his shoulder blade. 

They stayed like this until Louis gently untangled himself from the boy to pour the silky batter onto the pan. Both of them could barely keep their eyes open, and Harry's extra-clingy state when he's tired isn't helping at all. If anything, it's making Louis want to just let the pancakes burn to a crisp while they lay in their fluffy blue duvet that's softer than the rows of clouds that fill the London sky. Louis eyelids were getting heavier and heavier with every passing second, until Harry's voice fluttered them open. 

"You never did tell me what was so important that you had to surprise me." 

"Are you being serious?" Louis studied Harry's face for a moment, wondering if he was actually being serious or if he was trying to downplay his birthday like he does every year. 

"Please?" Louis hopped onto the counter with a chuckle, wincing at the cold tile hitting against his thighs. 

"Well, a very special someone isn't a teenager anymore today. But he's still my baby, and he always will be. Whether he's 20 or 200. Always the same curly haired boy I fell in love with when I was 18." Harry dragged his sock clad feet across the floor and buried his head into Louis' bare chest with a grin and a whine.

He really did hate celebrating his birthday, which was useless information to Louis. He never really planned to tell Louis when his birthday was, going off how everything was extravagant and dramatic to the boy. But a clumsy mistake on Harry's part led to Louis finding a birthday card from his nan in Harry's schoolbag and insisting on absurdly ridiculous birthday celebrations for his boy every year. 

Once again, they stayed frozen in that position for longer than they should have, judging by the smell of burning pancakes quickly filling the kitchen, making the smoke detectors go off. Harry quickly tore himself away from Louis to turn off the stove. Louis stared dumbfounded at him hoping that by some miracle his gaze will put out the fire and make everything go smoothly for once in his many failed attempts at cooking. By the time Louis hopped off the counter, Harry's already put out the smoke alarm and set the pan with black pancake crisps in the sink. 

"I'm actually the stupidest person to ever walk the earth. Seriously, Haz, who the hell even manages to mess up pancakes?" Louis found himself leaning against Harry on the wall, scrunching his nose at the smell of smoke and biting the inside of his lip at the way Harry's hand wormed its way into holding his. 

"It's the thought that counts, love." Harry tried desperately, but still wasn't amused at the pout Louis had while he sighed against Harry's chest, "Look, just having you here already makes my birthday the best. I don't need pancakes or anything else for that matter. Just me, you, and Bake-Off re-runs."

Louis leaned up slightly to press a kiss on the boy's velvety, pink lips while fumbling with the drawer behind him, successfully opening it and pulling out a tiny little box with pink polka-dot wrapping paper and a white ribbon tied into a boy almost the same size as the box itself. Harry quickly took notice though, and he broke the kiss to look behind him to see what it was. 

"Lou, you didn't have to get me anything." Harry whined

"You've known me for nearly a decade and you still think I won't excessively spoil you on your birthday? Cute. Now close your eyes and hold your hands out, no peeking!" Louis held the box and gently placed it onto Harry's cupped palm. He walks behind the boy, hooking his arms around Harry's waist and pressing his face against Harry's warm back. 

"Open it." 

Louis rocked side to side with Harry in his arms while he carefully unwrapped the tiny box. When Harry gasped and cupped one hand over his mouth, he smiled and glanced at the ring one more time.The one he agonizingly dragged Harry's best friend, Zayn, along to practically every jeweler in the whole United Kingdom until he found a ring that screamed, "Harry Edward Styles, I want to love you for the rest of my life and I can't wait until this is replaced with an equally as perfect engagement ring I spend another few months looking for." 

"Louis, it's beautiful. Christ, I don't know why I'm crying. This must've cost you a fortune, but I won't get mad because I know you like doing stuff like this for me and I really appreciate it, even if I don't need it. Sorry, I'm rambling. Anyways, thank you. I love you."  Harry wiped his eyes and hugged Louis tight enough for his arms to wrap around his whole torso, practically surrounding himself around Louis. 

"C'mere, I wanna put it on you."

Harry let his hand fall into Louis' with a pink tint rising to his cheeks faster than the speed of light. The spark is still there when Louis wraps one hand around Harry's wrist and uses his other hand to gently slide the silver band along Harry's ring finger, Harry staring at Louis in awe the whole time. 

"Do you like it?" Louis chuckles as Harry puts his hand in front of the kitchen window, moving it around to see all the ways the light reflects off the ring. 

"I love it. Thank you so much, love." Harry hugs Louis one last time, staring at the ring while Louis still rubs circles in his back. 

"Had to make sure I got the prettiest ring for the prettiest boy, so yeah."

"God, you're turning into a right sugar daddy, you know that?" They both burst out laughing while they walk back to their room, forgetting the whole pancake fiasco and saving it for when they're not in their perfect little bubble of love and backhandedly sexual comments. 

"Don't call me that! You know it turns me on, and it's too early for me to want to do anything about it." 

"Anything for you, daddy."

Louis stops dead in his tracks just before they get to their bedroom, and glares at Harry who has the nerve to stand there with his hands behind his back, batting his insanely long eyelashes and smile cheekily at Louis. Harry's smile quickly turns into a look of lust while he just stares at Louis and takes in all his features. When they finally lock eyes something snaps inside them and they just go after each other, Louis picking up Harry in one swift motion and Harry wraps his legs around Louis' torso to help him without breaking their kiss even for a breath.  

Harry redirected his kisses along Louis' prominent collarbones as Louis walks them into their bedroom without any bumps or trips along the way and safely to their bed, Harry whimpering at the sight of Louis over him. 

They were so high off of each other and how perfectly they moved in harmony when Harry nearly rolled himself off the bed  from under Louis because he remembered Louis wasn't wearing a condom. Louis ran with wide eyes to the bathroom and practically tore apart every single drawer. He proceeded to check everywhere in the house, but he had no luck. 

Louis grumbled and pouted that he'd make sure to be extremely careful but Harry persisted, arguing that wearing a condom was being extremely careful. Louis finally agreed when he remembered how rough one of his coworkers looked when his wife had just given birth. That same day when Louis came home from work they had made a promise to each other that they wouldn't let themselves have unprotected sex until they were both completely sure they wanted a baby. 

So there Harry sat in the passenger's seat of Louis' car, knees pressed against the warms fabric of Louis' grey hoodie that he grabbed as they rushed out the door. The condom-drive to Tesco was silent, Queen primarily filled the sound of the car through the speakers. Louis volunteered to get down while Harry stayed. They decided it was best since Louis knew how to draw attention away from himself in case his younger brother, Joshua, was working today.

It was the most logical option, Louis could talk his way around anything and everything and Harry was sporting a fresh hickey itching on the patch of skin between his neck and his collarbone (which he had no intention of flaunting to the world, by the way.) 

Louis and Harry made it back to their flat safely, no invasive sex life questions from Louis' little brother and a fresh pack of condoms ready to be used. The pair made quick work of picking up where they left off. And they almost got farther along then when they did this morning. 

 _almost._  

Louis remembered in the middle of sucking one last hickey on the inside of Harry's thigh that him and all their friends had organized a surprise party for Harry. After answering his phone on his best friend, Liam’s 20th attempt to call him, he groaned at the memory of him promising everyone that him and Harry would be with them at no later than 9:30 to surprise Harry with a corny, tourist day around London like he wanted to have when they first moved here. 

They got ready quickly enough to be there five minutes after Louis told everyone they'd be there. Harry had never been a curious person but the whole time they got ready and nearly half the drive into town Harry just kept asking and asking what was so important that they had to stop what they were doing and just leave. He realized when he looked out the window and saw a bunch of tourists, and Louis just caved and told him everything. So it wasn't really a surprise when everyone popped up from behind Louis' hands over Harry's eyes, or when Zayn told him everything they were doing. But Harry still managed to have that starry look in his eyes, and Louis managed to fall deeper and deeper in love, as always.

❦

After everything they did throughout the day, from nearly shitting their pants at the top of the London eye to having some man in a suit claiming he was a producer for Simon Cowell giving them a tiny grey card with his name on it in gold ink, telling them to be expecting a phone call soon,

they finally managed to get in their bed.

It seemed like it would be a lifetime until Louis and Harry finally got to finish what they started on multiple occasions today. It was worth it, both Louis and Harry declared as they laid against their now wrinkled duvet, hair stuck to their foreheads as they panted up at the ceiling and all. Louis squeezed Harry's hand and finally looked at him, getting butterflies when Harry looked back. His legs felt like 2 sticks of jelly and his head had just been thrashed around on a violent rollercoaster but once again, _it was_ _definitely worth it_. 

"Did you enjoy your birthday present, love? Because I did, a lot." Louis somehow managed to prop himself on his elbows to press a gentle kiss on Harry's forehead, ruffling with his soft ringlets. 

"I'm pretty sure the neighbors know how much we enjoyed it. Thought I was going to need my inhaler for a second there." Louis burst out laughing at that, knowing very well that the overprotective side of him took over the second Harry's moans became breathier and quieter than usual, which led to him running to the bathroom to grab Harry's inhaler just after placing a kiss on the tip of his nose. 

"Well, I'm glad you didn't need it and that you had a good birthday. I love you, baby."

"I love you more, darling. I'm gonna go get in the shower so we can get to bed, because I'm exhausted. Meet me there?" Harry pranced into the bathroom with a cheeky grin. Louis, however, needed a second to gain some sort of feeling in his legs. Just as he was about to get up, his phone rang. He was still too lazy to get up, so he reached with every force in his arm to the bedside table and slid his phone towards him. He didn't recognize the caller i.d. so he figured it was a wrong number. 

"Hello?" 

Harry checked one more time if the water was warm enough to get in with the palm of his hand, the one with the ring in it. He kept finding every chance to stare at it since he put it on, and how could he not? He never in a million years thought that he would find someone as special as Louis to kiss goodnight and proudly call his boyfriend. 

He sometimes wonders about the future, which does nothing but stress him out. He lies awake at night sometimes wondering what would happen if they were ever to split up, or if they would get a huge house outside the city right after their wedding just like they always dreamed. His thoughts persist as he gently places the ring on the stand where all his lotions are before he steps into the shower. The warm water trickles down his back in the most soothing way, it almost feels like when Louis wakes up in the morning and holds Harry closer to kiss him. 

 _almost._  

He silently curses himself for not making sure Louis didn't fall asleep before they got in the shower, but he knows he's not asleep when he can hear Louis talking from just outside the opened bathroom door. Harry would get out but the water feels so nice and Louis would surely come in if he was still awake. 

Harry gets so lost in gently massaging his strawberry scented shampoo in his hair that he flinches when Louis opens the shower door and gets in with him, starting to lather his own feathery brown locks with the same shampoo. Louis flinched back with eyes as equally as wide as Harry's, it went away eventually. They both just stared at each other and laughed

"Sorry, you just caught me off guard. I thought you had fallen asleep or something." 

"No, actually. I was on the phone with the guy from earlier, uh, the one who heard us singing." Harry was removed from his sleepy state at Louis' words. He knows that more than anything Louis has wanted to become a singer for as long as both of them can remember. He always longed for an opportunity to come up like this and now that it has, Harry is confused at Louis' reaction. 

Harry, however, starts jumping (slipping, Louis held him firmly by the waist and even then Harry nearly fell _twice_ ) and yelling at how excited he was for Louis. 

"Lou, that's amazing!" 

"Yeah, I know." Louis mumbled before rinsing the shampoo out of his hair, massaging his scalp with his fingertips and letting the warm water splash across every part of him. 

"Then why aren't you acting like it? Love, come on. You've wanted an opportunity like this to come along for ages." 

"He wants to set up a meeting with me, _us,_ in L.A. He said the label can meet with us whenever but we have to let them know before the 14th. Look, baby I don't want to make a big deal about this so can we just drop it?" Louis was getting uncomfortable, it was all over his face. Harry knew to stop then, and to change the subject quickly enough for Louis to calm down. 

They both knew it was just about time to get out of the shower when Louis cupped Harry's face with his hands and Harry cringed at the feeling of Louis' pruny fingertips gripping his cheeks. Louis stepped out first to get them their fluffy towels from the cabinet Harry always manages to bang his knee on. They get ready to get into bed and everything but its not until Louis has Harry in his arms, drifting between being awake and letting the heaviness of his eyelids win, until he brings up the record label meeting again. 

"Do you really think we should do it?" 

Harry turned around to face Louis, long legs getting tangled in their duvet. He looks up at Louis with eyes as wide as he can possibly manage with how tired he is, and nods. 

"Whatever you think, babe. Goodnight, I love you." 

Just like that, Harry finally lets himself fall asleep. The last thought on his mind before he drifts off is Louis, and what the future holds for them. 

❦

 Valentine's Day finally came, and Harry expected to wake up that morning to the sound of his alarm and the realization finally dawning on him that today may or may not be the day that him and the love of his life impulsively hop on a plane to something they have no idea what to expect of. This would hopefully lead to the start of living a life they could barely dream of. But as always, things were going too well for Harry.

Instead of the wave of excitement he anticipated, Harry was ever-so kindly graced with a sensation in his stomach he would describe as unpleasantly similar to being used as a punching bag by a boxer. He clutched his stomach in bed and whimpered, hoping it will pass quickly enough and he'll just go back to bed. They don't have to be up for another few hours, judging by the sun still not being out, and Harry would hate to lose anymore sleep than he already has. He somehow managed to fall asleep last night despite the unbearable soreness he felt in his chest. 

The feeling subsides for a millisecond as he tries to think about what could have caused his sudden pain; he has no recollection of eating anything that might've upset his stomach or made him feel this shitty in general. Before he can even think of any other possible reason for his stomach hurting he's running faster than he ever has to the toilet to throw up. He feels tears rolling down his cheeks as he leans over the toilet. He can't help his guilt once Louis walks in the bathroom and crouches down next to him, rubbing circles in his back as he vomits.

"I hate being sick." 

"I know, baby. Shh, shh it's okay. You'll feel better once you let it all out." 

There aren't many occasions where Louis has ever lied to Harry. What Louis just said to him, however, was currently at the top of this very short list.

He didn't feel better, _he felt like shit, actually_. His throat hurts, his chest is still being horrible to him and hurting at even the slightest of movements, he has a migraine, he's exhausted, and now he's alone since Louis went to try and get him some medicine. He's fighting back tears as he brushes his teeth, it feels horrible because the mint of the toothpaste is making him feel even more nauseous than the thought of having puke breath all day. 

It's a miracle he even has enough energy to get to his phone. He unplugs the phone from its charger, his first instinct is to call Louis. Thankfully, he actually didn't forget his phone this time and he assured Harry once again that everything will be fine. Harry groaned when Louis told him that he's not having the best of luck finding anywhere that's open this early, but he sighed and knew Louis was just doing this because he cared, and he couldn't be more grateful for that.

However, that doesn't change that Harry reckons he'll cry at how awful his morning is going if he doesn't talk to someone, but he also doesn't want to be that inconsiderate friend who calls at the crack of dawn to cry about his problems. After going over all his options, he decides the one that will help the most in preserving his sanity will be to text Zayn. 

_**Harry: Hey, are you awake?** _

Harry doesn't even have the chance to put his phone down before it rings. Zayn's calling him and he feels so relieved he could cry.

It reminds him of all the times he would tip-toe out the back door and try not to fall through Zayn's window, even though he fell every single time. He misses those days, when everything was simple and his boyfriend and best friend didn't look like they want to murder each other whenever Zayn came into town, even if they won't admit it for Harry's sake. 

"You okay? Why are you up so early?" 

"I feel horrible. I've been ill all morning, I was up all night because my chest is sore, and I've got the worst migraine in the world. But we're supposed to get a call from some producer in a few hours but Louis went to get me medicine and now we might not even get to go because of me and-" He was practically sobbing already when Zayn interrupted him. 

"Haz, babe, calm down. Look, I'm on my way over there right now, okay? Just try drink some water and relax, my hotel's not that far from your flat but I need to get something." Harry could hear Zayn moving around through the phone and he felt guilty all over again, this was the 2nd person he was forcing to drive around this early for him. It was even worse this time though, because Zayn was meant to be on holiday and now all he's doing is running around just for Harry.  

"No, you don't need to. I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Louis' almost home." 

"Of course I'm going to worry about you. It's 6 a.m. and honestly, you sound like crap. I don't know why of all times Louis would leave you alone he'd choose to do it now, but that doesn't matter. Just do what I said, okay? I'm almost there." 

Harry surprisingly managed to keep the water in his stomach and out of the toilet for the time being. At least one thing's gone right him this morning, he thinks to himself. He still feels dizzy whenever he walks so he settled himself with watching some Friends reruns on the telly while clutching Louis' hoodie to his chest. He was too lazy to get a blanket from their room and the blanket still smelt like Louis so he declared this a win. 

He also considers getting up to open the door without feeling dizzy a win (yes, he flinched when Zayn knocked, but, his argument is that Zayn knocked _unreasonably loud_ and it echoed through the flat) and he squeezes Zayn more than he hugs him. When he looks to Zayn's back, he sees Zayn holding a small brown bag.

He knows Harry sees it, and he knows how much Harry is going to overreact when he realizes there's a pregnancy test inside the wrinkled bag. 

He silently slides the box out of the bag and hands it to Harry. Harry just stares at it in Zayn's grasp, too stunned to even try and grab it. He shakes his head as he looks back up at Zayn.

"Louis and I used a condom. I'm not pregnant." It came out shaky and far less certain than Harry would've liked his voice to sound. It sounded almost as if he was asking himself a question instead of declaring what he knew, or what he thought he knew. 

"Please? Condoms don't always work and I just want you to be sure. You're showing all the signs of being pregnant." Harry wanted it not to be a possibility. He wanted to laugh it off and tell Zayn that he's gone mad. But instead his immediate reaction is not to say anything, the only thing moving in his frozen body are the tears rolling down his cheeks. Zayn pulls him in for a hug and that's when he breaks. The silent tears turn into full on sobs as he clings tightly to his best friend. 

"I can't be pregnant. I'm not ready and Louis.. Louis might finally get a shot at being signed by a record label and this will just get in the way." Harry hiccuped through broken sobs, it terrified him more than anything to think that there might be an actual baby in his stomach right now. Sure, he's always wanted to have kids with Louis, but not like this. He wanted to wait until the absolute perfect time, when both of them would lock eyes and just know, just know that the stars are perfectly aligned for them to bring a baby into this world. This; however, is not that time in the slightest. 

Harry heard Zayn say he was going to go and he saw him leave, but it sounded fuzzy behind the racing thoughts of what the hell they were going to do if he was pregnant. His lonely feelings were different this time, because he might not really be alone right now, and it was eating him up inside. 

**_Zayn: call me if anything, okay? hope it goes well <3_ **

**_Harry: I will, thanks. x_ **

So he knew what he had to do. 

His legs carried him up the stairs and into his bathroom. It felt as if his soul had stayed standing still at the bottom of the stairs, too scared to go up to the bathroom and find out for sure if he was pregnant or not. Everything sunk in all at once though, as soon as he took a deep breath and took the test out of the box.

The whole process was a blur and he doesn't really know if he actually did it properly, but he was about to find out if he did in about five minutes. The time would pass less agonizingly if he would just distract himself with something, Harry knew this. But Harry, being the impatient sadist who seems to enjoy making himself worry, plopped himself on the cold, tiled bathroom floor and clutched his knees to his chest. His breathing was heavy and he felt like he could throw up again at any second. It also would've been wise of him to check the time on his phone before he took the test  to see if the five minutes have already passed, but he doesn't even know where it is anymore. Impatiently, Harry declares that the test should be ready by now and runs his hand across the top of the marble counter in search of the pregnancy test. He finally taps it and his hand tenses up immediately. After one last deep breath, Harry grabs it and brings it towards him with a shaky hand. His eyes are still shut, and the test is right in front of his face. Every hair on his body is standing straight up and a chill rushes straight down his spine. 

Okay, he tells himself. On the count of three, open your eyes. 

one. 

two. 

three.

And in that moment, he swears its just the tears blurring his vision and that there's not actually two faint lines staring back at him. No matter how many times he wipes his eyes with Louis' now tear-stained jumper, those two tiny lines are still very much there, and they're not going anywhere. 

Harry barely has a moment to process that there's an actual fucking fetus in his stomach, where Louis knows he's the most ticklish and where he feels extra happy when it's full of his mum's porridge, before he hears Louis calling him from the living room. He tosses the test in the bin and rushes to Louis, trying to keep it all together until he actually feels grounded enough to tell him. 

Louis is on the sofa, laying across in his black joggers and cloud-like white t-shirt that Harry loves resting his head on, just in the right position to hear Louis' heartbeat through the fabric. He looks so beautiful like that, so angelic, Harry thinks. He catches himself doing that sometimes, just staring at Louis in awe while he does even the simplest of things. Louis finally looks back at him and motions for him to sit of the sofa with him. Harry drags his feet along the rug and leaves no distance between him and Louis, and now the baby, he supposes. 

"How are you feeling, love? Why are your eyes red? Baby, have you been crying? C'mere, angel, I think cuddling after you take your medicine will help." Harry just let everything that's gone on this morning take over and he just cried while Louis held him. It felt like a weight was being lifted off his chest as Louis gently played with his hair and doted his face with kisses every now and then. The weight, however, was getting heavier and heavier in his abdomen the more and more he thought about having the conversation with Louis. 

Waiting to tell Louis was just going to stress him out more so he decided to at least try and get it out of the way. Emphasis on the word tried, because Louis got a phone call and went in another room to answer. He was in there for quite a while, it wouldn't have bothered him as much if he could actually hear the call, but he couldn't. Harry finally found his phone on the opposite end of the couch, he reached to grab it but Louis came rushing back in with an excitement almost as overwhelming as his cologne was now to Harry. 

"Love, I did it! We're going to California!" Harry stares blankly at Louis, not knowing what to say.

"What?" 

"I rang the producer on the way over here, and I discussed everything with him. He's got everything ready for our flight tomorrow! Think of it as a late Valentine's Day gift, I love you." Louis embraced a very stunned Harry who didn't even bother returning the hug. Louis knew something was wrong, and Harry dreaded him finding out what it was.Then again, he doesn't really have to tell Louis until a certain point in his pregnancy, does he? It's in the very, very distant future of the pregnancy until he has to follow a bunch of strict rules, like not getting on any airplanes and wearing joggers everywhere. So Harry's new strategy is that maybe, just maybe, if he goes on this trip with Louis, it'll take his mind off of everything. He can tell Louis that he's pregnant while walking hand in hand down the most beautiful California beaches in the sunset.  

"That's brilliant, love. We should start packing, how long are we going to be there? I can't believe we're actually meeting with a producer, that's insane." 

"I know! And we have to pack everything, you donut. We've got the flat rented for at least a year, so we obviously need all our clothes." Once again, Harry's eyes went wide. His mouth got dry again and his reaction was apparently funny to Louis, seeing how he giggled and brought Harry in for a kiss.

"Baby, everything's going to be fine. I know it sounds scary, but-" 

"I can't go." Harry abruptly breathed out, drawing silence out of both of them. 

"Look, I know you're scared and you've got reason to be. But you have to trust me, okay? That producer got in touch with us for a reason. Even if things don't work out, we've still got each other don't we? That's what's really important." Sure, it sounded like an absolute dream when Louis slowed it down and explained it to Harry, but it just wasn't. It was ripping Harry away from everything and everyone he's ever known his whole life in a time when all he really needs are constants, safe-spaces, for everything to feel like home. 

"I mean it, Louis. I'm sorry but I just can't right now." Louis took a seat with a deflated look, and it broke Harry's heart to see him like that. 

"I'll let the label know to cancel everything, then." In that moment he was just thinking about how much Louis deserved this and how amazing this would be for him, so his heart spoke in a wild rush and didn't think about the backlash that could be caused. 

"Don't. Lou, you've waited for something like this to come along forever. I think you should go." He didn't think his heart would sink at the icy glare Louis would respond with, or the way he slowly rose to his feet and smirked. 

"So that's it, then? You're just trying to get rid of me?" 

"No! Are you mad? I would never try to get rid of you, and you know that. I just don't want you to pass this up because of us- m-me. Because of me." Words just kept jumbling out and he had lost control of them, like referring to their unborn child as "us" now and making Louis think he was just plotting to get rid of him. 

"Can you blame me for thinking that? A couple of weeks ago I was the one who wasn't sure whether or not to go through with this, and you were the one who kept pushing for us  to do it and that we'll never know if we don't try. But now, after i've lost sleep over this fucking phone call, you tell me you can't? Harry, just talk to me, please. I just want to know what made you change your mind so quickly." He was going to do it, he has to. This was bound to turn into a huge argument with slammed doors and tears and neither one of them wanted that, they couldn't lose each other. Not like this. So Harry stood as well, taking a deep breath and trying to find the right words without just flat out saying it. 

"It's a lot of change. Love, you're talking about moving to the other side of the world without any real stability. You're asking me to leave my family, my friends, uni, practically my whole life. And Louis, I-" 

"You act like i'm not giving up the same things!" Harry tried to tell him, but he was derailed by Louis' shouting and he doesn't know what to do anymore. 

"I didn't mean it like that! I know how much you want this and I don't want to hold you back." Harry's eyes were getting redder and his lip was trembling more and more as the conversations went on. 

"No, this is what we wanted. Remember? We always said we were going to join a band and tour the world together. It was always us, together. But now, I don't know what changed about you but that doesn't seem to be as important to you anymore." 

"Louis, stop! This is important to me- you are important to me." They both stayed silent after that, Harry thought if he was going to tell Louis any time, it would be now. He'd hold onto him tightly and quietly whisper in his ear 'i'm pregnant' and everything would be fine. The rainbow would come out of the cloudy skies, and they'd be fine again. 

"Is it because of Zayn?" Louis' words somehow made everything quieter than it was before. He looked down as the words echoed in Harry's head. 

"No! Louis, love, darling, please. This has nothing to do with Zayn." 

"Really? Because I saw him leaving when I was walking in, Harry. I saw the texts, why the hell are you two meeting this early in secret? You didn't even bother to tell me! Call me paranoid but that's a huge fucking red flag." 

"It's not what it looks like, I swear." Harry has broken out into full on sobs and was screaming through his strained throat. It was getting harder and harder to breathe through everything but he couldn't help himself, so much was going on and he basically had no control over anything. 

"Are you taking the piss? Don't you see?! He's in love with you! Why do you think he can barely look at me! All those years I was decent to him because I knew how close you two were, and I trusted you enough to know that our relationship was stronger than the bad feelings I had about him. Now I don't even know who you are anymore. Maybe me leaving is a good thing, you can figure out your shit. He won, Harry. He finally got what he wanted all along, you. I hope you two are happy together." Harry hadn't noticed Louis was crying as well. His tears were coming out as rough and intensely as his word, filled with rage harbored over the past four years. 

"Louis, please. I-i can't do this on my own. I need you- I love you and I love you only. Please, don't leave." All his common sense seemed to fall out with his tears. Everything to him right now was just louislouislouis and making sure he didn't lose this, he couldn't. 

"Harry, look at me. I won't leave. I'll give up the meeting, California, and anything else that might come with going to that meeting to be with you. Only if you tell me the real reason why you don't want to leave. Just please, talk to me. That's all I ask."

Harry had the words right there, burning at the top of his tongue with the sting of a thousand matches. The burn, however, felt like a slight sting compared to the impact of Louis' words ringing in his brain. The whole reason Harry started this mess was to not hold Louis back from opportunities. He didn't want Louis to resent him, or the baby for that matter, for being the reason that he's not a musician, doing what he truly loves. 

He couldn't, he didn't have it in him. He loved him too much to keep him to himself, it was selfish and he definitely didn't deserve Louis after everything that just happened. 

So he said nothing. 

He bit the inside of his lip as Louis slammed the door and yelled that he was going to have his brother come pick up all his things. He shut his eyes tightly when he heard Louis' footsteps getting quieter and quieter the farther he walked. Eventually the footsteps stopped, and that's when Harry let himself break. He felt so empty suddenly and the only weight on him was the promise ring Louis gave him for his birthday. Harry tells himself he's a coward and he doesn't deserve to wear it anymore. He lost, Louis' gone. So he tears the ring off his finger and throws it to the door, immediately dropping to his knees and once again, letting out the most gut-wrenching sobs he knows the one person he wants to hear won't listen. 

His phone rang from where it was on the couch and he let his ringtone play until the very last second, then he reached to grab it. He honestly doesn't know why he expected it to be Louis calling to tell him that this was some sort of cruel joke. It was nothing but a fantasy yet he somehow managed to get his hopes up. It wasn't Louis, and it wasn't going to be Louis ever again. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
